5:54am

i'm awake..yes,too early.. can't sleep though.... ahhh... when will it last...??? i'm waiting...waiting.. waiting...
i feel like i'm dying inside... don't know what to do to let go of this pain....
sakit....
God, i feel like crying again...
i wantto go to his place pay a visit but what if he would tel " puli n 2 pahuway t anay.."
rejection..
i'm stupid.. stupid.. stupid...
how did i let myself into this mess? i want to go out...
there's some part of me that anger lives... i even made a drastic plan to get even..
no one messess up with me.... i will strike back.. remember that...

IT'S 2 WEEKS NOW..

yet, no response no msgs nothing..maybe this is it.. this is the end..
it hurts...

ONE MORE DAY..

will he come..? will he appear? i don't know... maybe i won't expect anymore so that it won't hurt that bad..( i know it's a lie,coz deep inside me still expects)
yesterday the pain was there..wanted to cry but i can't.. i don't want other people to notice what i feel.. have to pretend that everything is fine... i was taking calls but my mind wasn't there...haaayyy
when will it end..? i shopped today.. para malingaw... good thing i t helps..
now i'm home.. not feeling that pain again..trying hard not to think about it...trying to think something else..
if he will not come then it's time to move on....
maybe time will come my heart will stop beating for him.. i don't know when.. i don't know where to start.. but i know i have to face reality... i lost the person i really love and want to share my life with... i don't want to find replacement just to fill in the whole...
maybe... maybe... maybe.. i can move on..maybe...

IT'S HERE AGAIN..

it's really a process... but i hope it will process soon.. is there any timeframe for it? like express for 2-3 business days? yesterday i felt the pain again... it's still there and it's still here...
text and no reply... no reply...
it hurts.. i feel empty again.. want to cry but i shouldn't... trying hard to cover the pain with laughs and pretention.. but everytime i came home... it's still there..
God it feels like hell!!!

i hate lovesongs....

hate hearing it right now.. it brings back painful memories.. haaayyyy....

move on move on move on....

MOVING ON...

friends are GoD'S GIFT--yes, its true.. i found them and very thankful..
with that i am in right now.. i'm so thankful that i have friends who can lift up my spirit..
it's not easy to move on.. it's a process.. i know.. i'm starting to be there.. i can talk now without breaking into tears... tnx cherie and japee... ur one of my good friends that are heaven sent..the one that i can keep and i can treasure...
maybe bit by bit i can move on... as what they said.. focusing too much on your future only keeps you from appreciating on where you are right now...
then i have to start appreciating what i have right now and stop dwelling on pain and rejection..
everything has a reason why it happened.. maybe there's a reason why this happened...
i'll just wait what will be in store for me.. i'm not gonna rush... i'll be patient...

PREPARING..

as days passed by i have this mixed emotions inside me..fear..excitement...hopes...but most of it FEARS..... fear of losing someone i really care.. someone i created my dreams..someone i want to build my future.... someone i want to grow old with...
i was just thankful that tin2 and jed were there to uplift my spirit... even just a little bit my depression lessen... but i'm still afraid for two weeks to pass.. what if it's the end..what if i can't take it back anymore? what if... what if...?

it feels like i'm no longer here..

i lost interest in all the things around me now. i'm so lost.so alone so empty. why PRIDE was created? i hate it...
more negatives thoughts came in my mind today.. i'm hopeless.. i can't take it anymore.. i want to quit.. ahhh!!!! sakit sakit ga!ngaa nimo m n sakon g pakanubo n ko..grabe.. nd m gd japon m haboy pride m..ngaa? s isa lg k pitik m dula lg dason? nd ko gusto madula ka... m dulaan gd ko ginhawa kg amu n..nd ko gd masarangan...
bahala n..kung bayaan m ko..bahala n kung anumsulod s pinsar ko.bahala n..

TWO WEEKS? AND THEN WHAT?

After you go, I can catch on my reading
After you go, I have lot more time sleeping
And when you go, it looks like thing's gonna be lot easier

Life would be at ease you know
I really should be glad.
But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only life this empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue..
After you go, I have a lot more room in my closet
After you go, I can stay out long if I feel like
And when you go, I can run through half screaming
And no one can ever hear me
I really should be glad
I don't have to miss no tv show
I can start my whole life over
Change the numbers on my telephone
but the night will sure be colder.

The pain is excruciating. i don't know where did it come from but it's there.i cried a river but i don't know if it can turn back time.
i wish i can. i wish i didn't ask. for two weeks and then what? 
moving on is a hard part.can i? i thought i can but i don't know now.
i thought i'm tough but i think i'm not. 
it's time again to wear mask. to hide the pain i felt inside.. and pretend that everything is alright.

maybe yes, it takes time to heal all wounds..
i just hope the wound would not leave a scar.

it takes two to tango but why put blame only at one?
unfair? i don't know.. i think so..

i hope time changes everything..
can't help my self from hoping..

it hurts! it's like lost half of me..

welcome back hwang2..

i was sleeping soundly last night when i heard some noise..i know it's a cats voice but i can't figure out which of them..
i knew i closed the door,but maybe either rara or kibo were so smart to open it...
but to my surprise it wasn't them...
it's hwang2!!!
OMG!
i was so happy to see him..
his back!! he found his way home..
now i have 4 cats again..
i hope daesoh, bluey,pipay and mal2 know the way to our house..

hwang2 lose some weight--of course what do you expect to eat outside the house,nothing but leftovers from trashcans-- he always follow me .
wants to sleep and sit beside me..
he knows i'm his protector..
lala (my demon-as begi said) was a little bit jealous.
i gave extra care and attention to whang2..lala is so me...maybe she is really my demon..hehehhe
me in a cats body..mwehehhe
today i bought inihaw n bangus..
i know he likes it..
i will buy cat food in can tomorrow..
i know hwang needs nutritous food to regain his weight and health.. i bathe him today coz he's so dirty..
parang naligo ng alikabok..
but i'm happy his back...
welcome home hwang2... ate loves u much..

happy new year..

it's a new year..new trials,new challenges,new frustrations new OPPORTUNITES..

wondering what's in store for me this 2009...

i just hope lieslie will pay..it's 65tw.. and it's my parents money..grrr.. kabalan gd y ang linte ya!

erase..erase..erase... i was trying not to think bout it..it just ruin my day..

anyway right now i am downloading cherie's fave songs for her new cp..

i woke up early today.. don't know why.. it was too early and i can't think of something to do.. i'm

the laziest person in the house.. as my brother DOn2 said 'i'm the sick princess" hehehe
miss my family and my dogs in the province..haaayyyy..

i bathe KIBO and RARA today.. they are my two kittens.. they were crying and trying to escape..but sorry attempt were not successful...hehhehe

i think this month will be a rainy season..it's dark outside..just hope it will not rain.. i hate to travel off to work while it's raining..it's cold inside the bus.. i don't have enough fats to cover me..

i wish i wil gain wieght this year.. i wish..
and i hope i will have good calls later..